woes of winter quarter

Though I’ve only been back for a few days, I can already feel the days of Winter Quarter slowly melting into each other. I wake up, walk to class, sit through lectures, cook, eat, do homework, sleep. I think about entertaining myself by finding some random freshman boy to creep on but that’s lost its appeal, as second quarter freshman have wised up and are no longer as susceptible to my older woman* charm. There’s a distinct desire to find some beautiful man for a friend or two but those are rare, at best, at UCSD. Soon, and I know myself well enough for this, I will be bitching about how no one gets unplanned pregnancies anymore.

But I digress.

A year or so ago, a family friend decided to suspend his education at UCLA, where he was a very promising engineering student, because he felt like a hamster running in a ball. I don’t quite feel like a hamster. I feel like I’m driving on the 5, only there’s no destination like LA or school at the end of the trip. After a while the scenery just starts to blend into the ground, even though I know that one bush or penis-shaped rock is never the same as the last one.

This is the best form of brainwashing myself into believing that this is what I really want and that a certain GPA will guarantee success in the “real world.” Pish posh. What I really want to know is how happy I have to be to be satisfied, or whether that actually exists when you’re nineteen.

I understand that I’m merely waxing idiotic on how dreary college can be after the parties become overrated and the boys fat with beer. But something more exciting has got to be out there, right?

*On my return flight back to San Diego, the luggage guy looked at me and asked if I was old enough to fly alone. Then he looked at my license, said, “Wow, you’re almost 21!”, and laughed.