not this again

Most of these days I don’t have time for anything but sleep. There is always so much to do, so much to think about, so much to plan out or risk getting bitten in the butt at a later time. I wish I didn’t have to understand the necessity of prioritizing everything in my life, but that’s part of growing up, I guess.

I’m surprised at how often I feel homesick. Isn’t that silly? I’m a sophomore who’s finishing up her second quarter, and sometimes all I can think about is how much I miss having my own room and a mother that takes care all of the domestic things. Now I’m the one responsible for getting groceries, and making dinner, and having enough underwear to last through the week.

There’s just so much that they don’t tell you about college. You can have the experience of your life but along the way there’s a series of snags that disguise themselves as steps towards independence. I can take having to make new friends, learning to live with people, talking to a boyfriend who’s 3000 miles away instead of 3, but damn, am I having a hard time learning to take care of myself.

I wonder when I’ll stop feeling this way, like I have one foot at home with my parents and another out the door. I thought it would be when I moved out, but that’s not true at all. Maybe it’s because I’m still financially dependent. Maybe it’s because I still want to be taken care of. Or maybe I just want a little less responsibility, a little less noise telling me that if I fuck up, it’ll all be on me.